Road to Recovery?

I went for b/w on Saturday and am satisfied with the ambiguous results. My levels were still in the 700s; however, they have not gone drastically upwards. My RE expected the hCG levels to go slightly up after my 2nd dose of the demon, Methotrexate. Apparently, as the drug dispels the placenta cells, they release more hormone into the bloodstream...as long as the hCG did not double or more, RE says that I am in the clear. I am scheduled for more b/w tomorrow and that will determine whether the injections really worked their voodoo magic and I will not need to have surgery to remove my right fallopian tube.

As an aside ~ I will be the first to admit I'm guilty of reinforcing the "American way". I turn my nose at leftovers in the fridge, want to trade my car for something new even though it is perfectly capable and runs rather well, I grow tired of wearing the same clothing over and over again and will buy more when it isn't really necessary. When I was faced with the ectopic tragedy, my first instinct was ~ When can I try again? Not, How will I and my husband mentally fare in the process or How much time will it take to physically recover but How soon can I start over in order to get the results I (we) want? I realized that I have become completely reliant on United States modern medicine to make my infant dreams come true even though realistically the state of our current medical technology is based merely on circumstance not painstaking accuracy. My entire unexplained IF diagnosis has been at the mercy of the "medical arts", not on omniscient knowledge of the female reproductive system. Basically, the outcome has been hit-or-miss the whole time.

If there is anything I've learned throughout this entire IF ordeal is DO RESEARCH and ASK QUESTIONS! Please do not rely solely on your doctor to tell you everything you need to know about your body. Be wary. Read the paperwork. Check the background information on prescribed medications. Be proactive! Get the treatment you rightfully deserve. Refuse to become a number!

This blog post is all over the place and I apologize for that. There are so many thoughts swirling around my crowded head related to this sore subject and even jotting them down does not help to sort through the muck. I'm worried about the outcome of tomorrow's test. I'm anxious to start fresh. I'm willing to do anything for my unborn child. I'm ready to recover from this incredibly bumpy road.