Monday, February 16, 2009

Magic Beans

Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible
things before breakfast.
::: Lewis Carroll :::

He bestowed upon me (5) magical circles of hope and softly spoke "Take these and your wish will come true." With that being said, the tiny items fell into the creased palm of my open hand. I closed my eyes and allowed my thoughts to delicately pluck wispy silver lining strands off the thick fluffy cloud of the unknown. It was there, in my mind, that I wove a sturdy blanket of trust with every sacred thread.

Arriving home, I carefully arranged each sphere side-by-side on the counter. I planned to care for them and keep them safe until it was their moment to perform. It was difficult to comprehend how the power within them would set me free from the restrictive binding that held me down for so long. One by one, they don’t seem like much. Collectively as a whole, they are capable of great things. My head swirled with anticipation. These (5) round miniscule objects would furnish what I desired most in the world.

I found inner strength in their presence. Each would dissolve in my system and disperse their charm. My assisted body would react. Nature would then take its course. No time left to wait for a miracle to occur.

I popped the first one in my eager mouth and swallowed hard. My teeth clinked against the glass rim. Cool water carried it way down deep. It was inside.

The magic was now within me. I glowed.

Copyright ©2008 Sarah B. Paquette **************************************************

I wrote the piece above last year when I began medicated fertility treatments. The emotions are still just as tender.

Did you know that methotrexate, the injection given to dissolve ectopic pregnancies, is actually a mild form of chemotherapy? Egads! I wretched my slimy innards out on Thursday night into Friday morning and felt like a dirty dish rag for most of the weekend. I did manage to enjoy Valentine's Day with DH and was able to withstand my nausea long enough to watch Coraline in 3-D. Quite enjoyable! When we got home, DH presented me with petite diamond stud earrings. They are my very first pair and I love them...not as much as him though. ;)

I'm back to work today after a 3 day hiatus and feeling a bit overwhelmed...but it's good to be back and I think I'm ready to start fresh.

Special thanks to everyone who expressed their support. I sincerely appreciate it and look forward to getting to know each of you more. Until next time.................


  1. First of all...your DH is such a sweetie! Love the petite studs. Such a nice gift!

    Your writing is fantastic and I look forward to you sharing more. I am sorry again you had to take the shot. I hope and pray for your BFP! Take all the time to heal. email is on my to know all about your TJ and Marshalls adventures. Love it!

  2. DH says he bought the diamond earrings because diamonds are the hardest stone. He believes I have been really strong through all of this IF hell. What an incredibly thoughtful observation! I must admit, I'm taking each moment day-by-day. Just want to wake up from this nightmare....still wearing the earrings. :)

  3. Its true...most people couldn't even walk a block in your shoes!! You have to take it each moment at a time. I used to take it in 15 minutes increments. Seriously. Hang in there! Do you like to read....if of IF buddies lent me "Waiting For Daisy" -- great book!

  4. I LOVE to read! Heading over to Amazon right now...

  5. I hope you got Waiting for Daisy - it is awesome.